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2/04/2004


What's your gross boss story?

What I’m about to tell you is 100% true.

A few years ago I worked for a man that was less than sanitary. It would be interesting to see if any of you have had similar experiences. I think it’s important to first describe this man. He stood about 5’8”, weighed over 220lbs, male pattern baldness was in full effect, large gap between his front teeth and just plain gross. He is literally an amusement park caricature of a human being.

Incident#1. One day he asked me to help him with his computer because he was having a hard time getting it to perform correctly. I walked in the office and began to try and teach him the proper procedure to perform the task when he began to pick the scabs on his head. Once a scab had been removed he would roll it around his fingers till it disintegrated into smaller pieces. Some landed on the desk, most on the ground. I tried as hard as I could to ignore what I had just witnessed. My gag reflex was still in check. While talking to him, his inner ear must have started to itch, because he buried his finger deep into it and wiggled it until he was satisfied. Yanking his finger out, he looked at it and did the same motion to the ear wax as he did his scabs.

It’s not over yet. Since his intellect matched his appearance, I had to show him by driving his computer. It wasn’t ‘til I sat down in his “questionable” chair that I noticed his screen was difficult to see. It appeared as though his mom never taught him to cover his mouth while coughing and sneezing. My gaze then went to his keyboard. All over his keyboard were brown dried up marks, crumbs, and discolorations that defied explanation. It then occurred to me that what I was typing on was stained with blood and ear wax. My only recourse was to quickly finish the lesson and wash my hands thoroughly for an hour.

Looking back at it, I’m not sure Joe Rogan from Fear Factor would subject his contestants to such torture.

*shudder*

Okay next incident – same boss.

Quick over view/set up. At the time this happened, my wife and I only had one car. My wife worked at a urology office.

Incident#2 Time goes by and my boss comes up to me in a casual tone. Immediately my alarm bells are just ringing off the hook. This man wants something big. I can tell. While working his head free of yet another scab he began to tell me of how he ran into my wife at the urologist. He mentioned that he went there to get a vasectomy. (Why? I thought. Something would actually make icky with you?).

He explained to me that there was a small blunder at the urologist’s. They had called him back to ask for another sample of his “manseed”.

“You see, I only got just a little bit around the rim of the cup and that wasn’t enough.” He said while rolling his scabs. (In my mind I’m about to hurl – I seriously cannot believe I’m having this conversation.) “I was wondering if I were to take a new specimen into work here, could I give it to your wife to take to work with her? Don’t worry, I’ll keep it in a small brown paper bag for you.”

I wanted to end the story there. But I should mention that I told him under no circumstances would I ever do that. He asked me three separate times to prod me into doing this for him. He just couldn’t understand why I thought that was inappropriate.

Now it’s your turn to tell me your story of your sick boss. It has to be the truth though. True stories are always better than fiction.

Brian

posted by: Brian Scott


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